[Back to Home Page] - [Barry Powell Index Page]

Old Tongue, the bearded Giraffe in "HUNTERS"

from Lobster Telephone No. 24



To be read in conjunction with the "HUNTERS" story.

THE FOUR SOLIDS (information for time travellers)

There are, outside the illusion of normal time and space, many things open only to those who have broken down all boundaries, and are on a desperate, failling sequence. Among these things are the Four Solids, much thought of and utilized by time travellers. These are four, undefinable in size and location, twelve faced three dimensional solids; of the form generally known as the dodecahedron; Each face is a pentagon; (with five equal sides).

The solids are dodecahedrons constructed of various things, which gives them their individual identity;

  • The WORMAHEDRON is lots of sliding slithering thick worm, segmented worm shapes all pink and dark and seen through a dodecahedral shaped window.

  • The SLIME-O-HEDRON is the same dodecahedral window form, all made out of a sort of slime, flowing with dark and light organic blood and plant colours.

  • The MUZZLE-O-HEDRON is a twelve sided solid made from growling snarling dog muzzles.

  • The Forth of the Four Major Solids is the ANOMALOHEDRON, which is made out of glimpses of anomalies, like UFOs, geniouses, Loch Ness Monsters, Time Travellers themselves, all anomalous things glimpsed through twelve faces, all mingled in together, and ever changing.
     

 

Old Tongue, the bearded Giraffe in "HUNTERS"

Some poor sods feel that they have to have a purpose. Time travellers realise there is no purpose, or reason, so they do things anyway, anything.

So it comes to pass that for this reason time travellers, when known, are not liked too much. Some of the little scum who suck after purpose, they make their targets the Time Travellers, those undefinable entities who have set themselves free of all definitions and boundaries.

The Time Travellers, are the enemies of these, the so called Hunters. The Hunters are an elite squad in the Normality department of the Law Police, of every and any system, all across time... you'll find a small stinking cell of the Normality police, holding up as sacred their own bigotries. The Normality squad hate the Time Travellers, call them depraved, debauched, just 'cos they dance across the universe, just 'cos they don't have form.

Let's pan out across the wastelands of the city of New Cambridge now, all the broken blue towers, to a small shed, wherein some normality police, under Inspector Noncom Failish, are assimilating data, tracking down a time traveller... a certain long necked bearded time traveller.

"Anything to report constable?"

"Yes sir, we're getting reports all up and down the time lines of certain perverse anomalies, that all have the mark of the time traveller upon them, or so it seems to me... Let's see... yep, well for one there's a whole load of strange occurances in the late nineteen eighties, Christian calendar, in New York, San Fransisco, Nottingham, Manchester, London... It seems to be we have some of the scum there... I mean, look at these newspaper cuttings from that time... they stink of time traveller..."


...a small girl today narrowly escaped being abducted by a strange figure in a matt black car, probably a zodiac... "She said that he had offered her sweeties and asked her if she wanted to go back to his house to see some cute little baby SLIME-O-HEDRONS."

...BIRTHS AND DEATHS... To Mr & Mrs Scum E scum scum, a bouncing baby WORMAHEDRON...

STRANGE GOINGS ON AT THE ABATTOIR ... Mr Lupp, the proprietor of Lupps Nice and Wholesome Slaughter House, reported yesterday to this paper a strange incident that occured recently. He was awoken at night to find two women dressed in black, a chicken, and a very tall giraffe, trying to climb though the carcass of a cow, in the big freezer behind the congealing blood storage area. Before they all inexplicably disappeared, the giraffe explained to the police that "We were only looking for a doorway..."


Noncom Failish speaks excitedly; "Constable! That's it! We have 'em, That report describes a typical time traveller behaviour of using corpses as doorways or portals to other dimensions... Let's go to that slaughter house, and catch us an OLD TONGUE, and maybe Mr Scum."

So the Hunters, the Normality squad, all descend in droves with full riot gear, on Mr Lupps Nice and Wholesome Slaughter House. Night time. Blue floodlight and loud hailer through smokey mist, helicopter air chopping. Sound screams through to inside where Miss Scummyscumscum, and Old Tongue are running round, both now as women in their twenties, climbing up and through fatty bleeding ribcages... They can't find a portal though... and they are surrounded.

Loud hailer: "WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED."

Constable Norm, Noncom Failish's right hand man says "I'll go in sir, and get the filth scum, personally."

So in he goes. With a sub-machine gun.

In the blue half light he sees two dark slim figures pushing carcasses about on hooks and climbing through animal corpses. He corners them and sprays a mass of hanging meat with bullets. Then dumps the gun and goes in looking for dead travellers.

There's the body of a girl...

"Got you!" he says, "Now it's my turn, I'll screw the bloody time traveller corpse, that's all it's worth!"

He takes off his shirt and is pulling down his trousers when he's suddenly knocked to a wall by a big frozen hunk of meat on a hook rail, pushed by Old Tongue in a long black dress. What Norm had assumed to be a dead time traveller was in fact a very alive one, Miss Scummy scum scum... she gets up too.

They both look at Norm. He has a long shallow cut down his bare chest (from when he was preparing the rape, when the hook hit him).

"I think we've found our doorway." says Old Tongue.

© The Barry Powell Organisation 1988.



 

The following is probably not by Barry Powell, but what the hell...

TRICKS TO PLAY ON A DOG No. 1

  1. Dress up as a pussy-cat.
  2. Find a dog and get it to chase you for approximately 800 metres.
  3. Suddenly stop, turn around and shoot it with an air rifle.

TRICKS TO PLAY ON A DOG No. 2

  1. Dress up as a pussy-cat.
  2. Find a dog, who won't chase you because word by now has gotten round that there's a "Mad Pussy Cat" running around shooting dogs.
  3. Watch the dog growl at you very menacingly.
  4. Shoot the dog anyway.

TRICKS TO PLAY ON A DOG No. 3

  1. Dress up as a pussy-cat.
  2. Find a dog, who won't chase you, but will instead summon the dog neighbourhood who are in pick-up trucks carrying shotguns, rifles and hangman's nooses.
  3. Allow the canine Lynch Mob to chase you for approximately an hour and ten minutes.
  4. Let them chase you into a warehouse.
  5. Lose them in the warehouse and lock them in.
  6. Detonate the bomb you planted there earlier in the day.