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Who, or what, is Barry Powell
from Lobster Telephone No. 28
It has come to our notice, that over the past year your magazine has published a number of articles/stories apparently by a certain Barry Powell. We have been collecting information on the figure behind this name, which may be an alias, and consider it our duty to inform you of our findings, so as to give your readership a more balanced view.
It is quite probable, although we have no actual evidence as such, that Barry Powell is, or at least has been involved in mass murder of innocents, eating of babies, rape and pillage, disembowling and art-terrorism. Having said this though, the Barry Powell of the address printed in an earlier issue of Lobster Telephone, is most probably not involved in these activities. However, he certainly knows more of the truth than we do. The evidence that aforementioned activities have been perpetrated is that it is known that a certain B. Powell has associated with all forms of miscreants, filth, scum, and outcasts of society, whom of course will eat babies, perpetrate rape and be involved in terrorism; bloody pinko commie subversive scum lesbian gay foreign types, enemies of the state and so on and so on.
In our investigations we uncovered a large number of Barry Powells, some clearly innocent; these included footballers, television personnel, a doctor of medicine and so on. These are not our 'man' and any accusations are not directed at them.
The Barry Powell we seek is a shadowy, often pathetic figure, sometimes found waiting to be councelled at walk-in Samaritan centres, and sometimes a distant menacing figure, carrying out self destructive acts on 'his' person in front of small audiences. He, she, it or they is certainly, if nothing else a paradox. It may well be that the person in question is in fact female. Other, albeit tenuous evidence points towards a more bizarre truth; that B Powell is at least half dog half human.
If however, as is most likely, it may be that there is no real Barry Powell; then the name must be a front for ficticious organisations mentioned in the Barry Powell stories in the Lobster Telephone.
The Fruits of Saint Scum, bizarre papa-religious fanatics, could be using the name as a front to their filthy propaganda and subversion.
Finally, we have followed all possible leads and citizens who claim to know a "Barry Powell", who "writes". This individual appears to be about thirty years of age, although may be as young as twenty. He has been stopped by the police sixteen times at least in the last few years. However he has never been arrested. He was once accused of being the Beast of Exmoor (a strange wild animal that has killed at least 100 sheep) and has been known as the man with 14 penises (reasons unknown). Enclosed is one of only a few photographs apparently of the aforementioned Barry Powell.
He, she, it supposedly manifested itself on the top of a lone rock on a desolate moor in Northern Derbyshire. It should be noted that there was a stone circle nearby.
© The Control Organisation.